“leaving is the hardest thing to do until you actually leave, then it’s the easiest thing to do”

 

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I come from a small town next to the capital of the Croatia, you could say i had an average life, went to school, had my group of friends, tried different hobbies until i found my passion for dancing. I wanted to do anything with tourism, spent my days on MSN, had the honour to watch Facebook develop. Lived for High School Musical, Camp Rock and Twilight. I come from a broken home. So at the age of 15 after i just started high school, after i just had my first kiss, my first cigarette, my life changed completely. All of a sudden i was in this country away from friends, away from family, away from home. I was angry, i didn’t understand why was all of this taken away from me, what did i do to deserve having my whole life taken away.

You could say that the rebel in me was getting even more rebellious, i closed myself in the room, finding an escape in Tumblr, music, make up tutorials and conspiracy theories. I didn’t want to have any contact to anyone, i was just so angry at the whole world.

I started school, i met few people but kept struggling with the language. Soon after that i met someone who is also today my bestfriend i guess we kept eachother going for all these years.

Now i have kinda built life here, i have my apartment, i have my cat, i am finishing my medical school, i work at a nightclub and i have my group of friends.

You probably think that i completely forgot my life in croatia and that i probably have no contact to people there, well you’re wrong. I am as often as i can in Croatia, i still have my circle there, still have most of my girls there, still have my house and my family there. Yes i built up a life somewhere else, yes it would be hard to leave it behind, but no where in the world am i gonna feel like i’m home except in Croatia. There is no words to describe the feeling when i open my old closet and see my middle school prom dress, my teakwondo kimono, my simpsons sheet. But Tena why don’t you take them with you, then you can have a piece of home with you. No, those things stay there where they belong, at home. Would i at some point go back to croatia? Yes, i am constantly thinking about it, i am constantly trying to find a way to go back. Am i crazy? There are over 91.750 people who moved out of Croatia in the last 7 years to find a better life, better job, better apartment, better car, better home. And it all looks perfect until you realize that all of that doesn’t replace home. All of this doesn’t replace your morning coffee in that local café, it doesn’t replace having neighbours walk in and out of your house because you know eachother your whole life, it doesn’t replace that weird neighbour who decides to mown the lawn on a saturday morning, it doesn’t replace getting drunk of bambus in your friends garden.

 

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Reading all of this probably makes you think i’ll pack my whole life in a suitcase and go back. And you’re right i will, someday.

As much as i wanna go back i also wanna go further, i am not done exploring this world, i am not done travelling, i am not done changing a few more residences. It was so hard to leave, it still is hard constantly saying goodbye, constantly leaving everything behind. But i know that i am not done exploring this world. A lot of people gave up on Croatia, i didn’t and i never will and i honestly think there is no better place to live than there. I never left Croatia to find something “better”. I left because back then i didn’t have no choice.

What would i tell people who are planning to move away from home?

Do it.

But don’t expect to find a home somewhere else, yes moving away changes you, you meet new people from all around the world, you live your life completely differently. Moving away makes you grow, makes you independant, makes you appreciate home more but it builds you, it builds your character.

Would i go back in time and stay?

Yes i would, i would finish my school there, i would spend my teenage years there. But at some point i would have left, i am not made to be kept in one place.

 

 “Travel makes you realize that no matter how much you know there is always something new to learn”

 

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