Taboo or not Taboo?

I’ve got a request from one of my besties to write about sexuality, sex and how is the society dealing with it nowdays.

This generation is pretty much judgemental towards everything we do, from how we dress, where we come from, what religion we have, our sexual orientation, how many people we’ve slept with, how many people we haven’t slept with etc.

Let’s start with sex, so nowdays relationships are categorized in so many different “relationships” you can have a romantic relationship, you can have a sex relationship, you can be married, you can be divorced, you can have an open relationship, you can have monogam relationship or even polygam you can literally choose whatever the hell you feel comfortable with. But whatever you choose you’re gonna get judged.

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It’s the same when it comes to sex. I know people who enjoy one night stands and they do it on a regular basis, i know people who are not so much comfortable with it and that’s totally okay! But what i wanna concentrate on is womens sex life in todays society. So according to most of our population women are supposed to be those beautiful, pure, innocent creatures who need to stay virgins until they find the “right” man to take their purity. But why? Why is there such a huge double standard when it comes to women and men, men are allowed to have their time where they experience and explore their sexuality and it’s even “recommended” for them to not get married before they are over their phase because otherwise they won’t be faithful. I call bullshit on that.

As humans we have natural sexual desires, all the same or some less and some more, of course there are women who want to save themselves for the marriage and that is awesome and i am rooting for them and i am really proud of them but i am also so proud of women who embrace their sexuality and say “ hey i want to ”experiment” i want to sleep with various people and i want to find out what i like and what i don’t and get to know myself and my body” you go girls! Why is it so hard to accept the fact that there are women who need to go through their “phase” the same way the men do. Why is it so wrong to learn about yourself, your desires and your needs? Why are women so judged and so descriminated in our society? Is it because they are not the perfect candidates to be the perfect wifes? Screw that.

From the women i know most of them just do what they please and they don’t really care what anyone has to say about that which is really empowering  and i would also suggest any woman or man reading this please just do what makes you happy, if you want to wait then wait if you want to sleep around then just do it.

Women are people too, we are not some robots who were made to give birth, clean, cook and brush our hair. We are very much human and have needs, desires, fantasies and wishes and if that is so hard to accept then well screw you go back to the stoneage. We need to stop putting double standards on stuff like this, it is okay for both genders to have sex or to not have sex, whatever any individual is more comfortable with and with how many people they are comfortable with. Let’s concentrate more on not being so damn judgemental.

Self Acceptance

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This is gonna be a little bit about myself and the only reason why i’m doing it is because i know there are probably a lot of people struggling with this and i wanna let them know that it is okay.

Growing up i have never really even thought about it or considered it because i was very sure that i am only interested in boys which is also true but some time ago i have realized that this is not the only truth.

I have met someone at work who kinda gave me butterflies and soon became my crush, now i am not the only one who feels this way about this person  but it kinda made me wanna explore who the hell i actually am because this person was a woman. I needed a bit to realize that i also feel attracted to women which schocked ME the most. I took so many buzzfeed and other quizes but it actually never gave me the validation that i needed so i turned to the good old friend Tinder and no my intention wasn’t to sleep with but just to talk to a woman who is also interested in me and well this kinda gave me my proof and ability to accept that i have been living a lie my whole life.

Was it hard for me to accept it? Well i think if it wasn’t for one of my besties who is also the reason i am writing about this topic it would have been very hard, but she gave me so many advices, she made me talk about it, she made me give in and let myself feel whatever i’m supposed to feel and i think it’s very important to have a person in your life who is just gonna support you and not judge you and who is just really brutally honest with you and who makes you be brutally honest to yourself too.

What does this change in my life? Well since my self acceptance i kissed girls yes and that was even more mind blowing because then i really realized that it wakes up the same feelings as when i am kissing a man, which was just another conformation. In general it probably changes the fact that i am very open minded and that i am not looking for love in just one place, i can imagine myself being happy and having a nice life with both genders and that is something that’s very comforting. I have stopped searching for a ‘gender’ i started searching for love and no matter what gender the person is i am ready to love them.

Almost no one knows this and my friend asked me if i am ready to share this with the world, because there are a lot of people who would never think that i am bisexual or that i am going in that direction and probably would have opinions about it, so i knew that i was ready or knew that i am ready because i really don’t care what ANYONE has to say about it, neverthless if that’s my family or my friends. The biggest obstacle in this process was only myself and i succeded at overcoming it so how anyone else is going to deal with this fact about me is really none of my problems or worries. Am i scared of losing friends or family members? Well let me be honest. No. My FRIENDS or people who consider themselves my family would NEVER leave me, not because of my sexual orientation and not because i am a person who doesn’t care what gender is my future partner gonna be, if that’s the reason for them to not speak to me or not wanna have me around anymore i’m fine with it because i then also don’t wanna have them around.

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I have a very strong mindset and this didn’t happen overnight, i needed to overcome so many insecurities and self doubt, selfhatered, selfpitty, depression, selfharm that i have come to the point where i accept myself, with all my flaws, pros, cons, imperfections, that’s what makes me me and i am proud of who i am, i am proud of who am i becomming.
Of course i am not done growing and learning about myself but i think for a 21 year old i am doing pretty well and this is so important for everyone no matter if you are 16,10,20,28,40 or 60 it’s important to give yourself time to accept yourself, to get to know yourself and to learn how to love yourself because the approval from everyone in this world won’t mean a thing if you don’t give that approval to yourself.

To the world: I do it solo

 

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Did you know that as a woman the only thing you aspire to should be marriage?

Well apparently that’s the only important thing in our life, you know finish school, find a man, produce children. And i mean there are women who also want it to happen that way and that’s okay, everyone has different goals in life but whats with the rest of us?

I have been single for 3 years now, you know what i did instead of searching for a man? I travelled to France, Bulgaria, Italy, got 2 jobs, found an amazing group of friends, went to parties, concentrated more on the music, experimented with my style, went to a wedding as a maid of honor without a date and survived, got an apartment, moved out, reconnected with my father, got 2 cats and now i got a blog. You know what has been said to me? “But i wish you would find a partner so you could be happy”

Why do people think that i am not happy? Because i am socialy awkward? Because i’m anxious? My anxiety and depression are something i’ve learned to live with and no man or relationship or marriage could change that or have some impact on it.

Most women are not appreciated for their skills but for how many men they have or have not slept with. I never heard someone ask me how many languages do i speak, what inspires me, what direction is my life going, what am i passionate about, where do i wanna travel next, the sad reality is that most questions i get are „ so when do you wanna get married“, „how many kids do you plan on having“ .

All my achievements were made without a man in my life, i never had a special support from a male, all my best memories were made with my girls or my family, all my worst moments were caused by men and no i don‘t hate men i met amazing men and had great times with men but did they bring me something remarkable? No. And i mean they shouldn‘t, it‘s not their job to do so. But it‘s also not my job to worship men and think that my life is empty without someone by my side.

So the conclusion is:

If i meet someone no matter of their gender who i feel would fit in my life and my needs and would wanna share their time and there is a breakthaking connection then i‘m down for it because i am not settling down for less.

However if i don‘t meet someone like that and i stay alone with my cats for the rest of my life then be damn sure that i‘ll have the time of my life.

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