* Alexa play Cher Believe *
If I’m the expert at anything then it’s moving on and dealing with broken heart. And no i didn’t give this title to myself but since 5th grade EVERYONE thinks that I’m specialized in this area for whatever reason cause I can assure you that in my almost 23 years of life i have smaller amount of dating experience than anyone who comes to me for advice but ok i guess my healing aura attracts all the broken souls so, come to me my children.
No but for real, lately i’ve had some friends dealing with some bullshit, being cheated on, being ghosted, being treated wrong and they all act like it’s the end of the world and before you tell me ” but Tena it is the end of the world ” let me tell you, it’s not. But i needed a lot to get here and to see those experiences as the crucial part of life that we all went or go through. If you know me or somehow gave shit enough to read my entire blog ( congratulations on that by the way) there is the one called ” monster in my bed ” that explains my only relationship and if you read that first and then read this afterwards you’ll understand what i mean.
So let’s first make clear that you don’t need to be in a relationship to get your heart broken, you can get your heart broken by literally anyone you get attached to which try to avoid i mean a good connection with someone is great but never ever ever ever ever in your life let your happiness depend on someone else.
In todays society very popular type of a relationship is not being in one, instead waste eachothers time, grow feelings, fuck occasionally but like never ever consider getting committed cause who has time for that right? Let’s just be confused about eachother for uncertain period of time until one of us plays the ghosting card. The problem with this is that one party is usually head over heels in love and thinks that one day they are gonna be enough for the other party to love them. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, probably not gonna happen. Let’s do the whole protocol shall we? You meet a guy ( i am gonna talk about men cause i have no idea how female fuckboys do it so don’t get all pissed at me i know there are bad women out there too), you talk, he is funny, he invests a lot of time into communication with you, he is sweet, he is a snack and you wonder how did you get so lucky. Then you have your first meeting (they are never gonna call it a date) and he is kind, he is a real gentleman, you want him to meet your grandma right away. You come home you dance to cringy Taylor Swift 2011 Album because you are on the cloud nine. Then sometimes on the same evening or maybe few days later but almost ALWAYS before the second meeting (cause it’s not a date) the sentence comes “i am actually not searching for anything serious”…..okay? Thanks for saying that like maybe right fucking away? So now all the girls on this planet are like schocked, they send screenshots to their friends, they panic, they are hyperventilating, listening to Taylor Swift again but this time the angry country songs ( Alexa play Taylor Swift – Picture to burn ) the whole world comes crashing down. You know what then happens? They mostly agree to it. Why? Nobody on this fucking planet knows, but I do. I’ll tell you why, if you ask them why they don’t want anything serious usually the answer is gonna be “my ex just fucked me up 12 years ago you know i can’t really open up to anyone but i really like you and i wanna know how this goes but right now i’m not ready for a relationship” or personally my favorite ” i have a lot going on right now and everything is so hard and i need to figure out myself and who i am but i really like you and don’t wanna pull you into my mess” 😂 the first time i ever used this smiley in a blog but i am literally laughing out loud. So since we women never have any problems in our lifes and we spend time searching for a husband because everything we aspire to in life is marriage, we deal with this situation with our maternal instinct because we want to fix them and think if we show how understanding and loving and great we are they are gonna fall in love and we’ll birth them 10 children. Stop thinking that way and i can assure you if you are reading this consider again if you want to continue to read cause i’ll be throwing some hard truth out there. So now that you’ve agreed to be his cum dumpster while he figures himself out i’ll tell you how this will go, he is gonna call you occasionally for a good time, he is even maybe gonna open up to you and tell you how horrible his life is so you feel like you should never complain about anything he does cause you’ll make his life even harder. He is gonna throw the jelaousy card and you wont be seeing other people cause you are sure one day he’ll see what he has by his side. I’m sorry to break it to you but he wont. Cause it was never even an option for him. As a matter of fact as soon as he finds a new one he is gonna go away or he is gonna tell you about it and give you an option to deal with it and if you are stupid enough because you’re in love you might play along or you’ll be smart and tell him to fuck off. Anyway in 90% of these kind of relationship it’s gonna end up bad, mostly for you, cause sorry to break it to you but he really doesn’t give a fuck. The best way to deal with this is not to. If you already have feelings for him when the ball drops about him not wanting anything serious, you just go, you don’t try, you don’t fix him, you just go. It’s hard i know you really had high hopes, you thought you met a great guy but you need to have that amount of self respect to just tell yourself ” no i want something serious and i am not settling down for a little bit of love when it’s convenient for them”. It’s gonna leave you feeling like you are worthless and not good enough. It’s not worth it, no matter how great the sex is, it’s not worth your mental health, cause if he wanted to be with you, he would, there would be no excuses, no stupid explanations, if he wanted to he would and i know it’s hard to comprehend that but it’s the sad truth. Cut the bullshit straight at the beginning. If however you already are in this mess and you are unhappy cause after months he is still only around when he needs a relief, collect yourself and go. Without a comment, don’t try to change his mind, don’t explain shit to him, just go, cry, scream, break things but get out of that situation cause it’s unhealthy and it’s only gonna leave you miserable. And you’ll see once you’re over it you’re gonna think “damn that bitch Tena was right”. I’ve been that dumb once, and i’m thankful for that because it teached me what exactly i don’t want and it teached me to respect me and my body and to love myself first. That’s why i’m furious when I see girls going through that because they consciously let someone treat them as a toy. Just be smart, control your emotions, remember what you wanted out of it at the beggining and realize having him for an hour every now and then when he wants to is not what you deserve.
Okay now that i wrote a whole book about fuckboys it’s time to turn to cheaters.
So personally for me there is no forgiveness, i forgive a lot, i have a lot of understanding for a lot of things and i tolerate a lot but cheating is not one of them. And if you are dealing with that right now, i wanna tell you that there is NOTHING wrong with you, this is not your fault and if anyone ever tries to tell you it is spit in their face literally just spit in their face. You are not accountable for someones actions and there is nothing you could have done differently to prevent it. If they want to cheat they are gonna cheat. So if you found out recently or long time ago but are still dealing with the consequences, i just want you to know that it does get better, you will stop blaming yourself, you will be able to feel beautiful again and i really hope when you’re ready you’ll meet someone who is gonna treat you the way you deserve. Being cheated on is also the reason to be real petty. So if they are cheating on you, it’s okay to get a revenge ( break their car, sleep with their brother i mean the options are endless) and let them call you crazy, better crazy than being dumb and let them cheat. Or if you want to deal with it with morals then also just go, in silence, take care of yourself, give yourself time to heal and never ever let them come back. You NEED to have enough respect for yourself to understand that someone gave the same thing they gave to you to someone else, you were pressured to share someone you love because they can’t control their dick or vagina or whatever they have. If they did it once, they will do it again. And I know it’s hard cause it was probably a long relationship or even worse marriage but you deserve so much more than that, you deserve someone who is never gonna think about someone else. You deserve that endless, cheesy love where you never have to question their loyalty. I also understand there are a lot of different situations and sometimes people work through it, or they both do it and they give their all to fix their relationship. I am just telling you my opinion, cause i’ve seen families break apart, i’ve seen crazy stuff happening because of cheating and I personally can’t find a bone in myself that justifies cheating. But i’ve also seen people heal from it, i’ve seen people fight through the trauma of being cheated on and i’ve seen people be in happy relationships after all of it. I guess what i’m trying to tell you that no matter how hard it is, how worthless you feel it does get better, you just need to find that strength whitin you, you have to be your own hero and you have to believe that it’s not your fault, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And that you are not accountable for someone elses actions.
So i could name 204738 other situations that lead to a heartbreak but i guess i will just put it this way. Sometimes the people we are in a relationship with or the people we are involved with in any way turn out to be someone else, sometimes things fall apart, sometimes people grow apart, sometimes it’s just not meant to be, sometimes we fall in love just to learn a lesson. There are so many different situations, reasons, circumstances, traumatic experiences, toxicity, unhealthy involvement or sometimes you are just not as compatible as you thought you were. And i guess it takes a lot to come to the stage where I am right now and i don’t know if it was my traumatic experience and few disappointments afterwards that created the mindset that i have today, which i’m not saying is the best one cause i still have difficulties when it comes to dating ( yaaay me) and i’m still trying to figure out how things exactly work myself. We all always say “love is complicated” but it’s not, we make it complicated by not being honest, with lack of consistency, with uncertainty, with projecting our traumas on other people, by believing everyone is gonna treat us badly like the previous person did.
Everyone is gonna get heartbroken at some point in their life, actually everyone is gonna get heartbroken a few times until they learn how to love and respect themselves and their needs and standards. It’s part of life, we love, we get hurt and we learn how to deal with it. And after some time there is life after love, you heal at some point, you learn how to let go, you learn how to deal with it. You understand that you can’t change people, that you can’t fix someone who doesn’t wanna be fixed, that actions of other people do not depend on you. And you learn how to love yourself enough to understand what you want and need in life and you never settle for less. Even if that means that you have to be alone for a certain amount of time and trust me it’s not as bad and scary as it seems, you get to know yourself, you experience things by yourself which make you grow, you have time to find out what exactly you want. Pain is temporary, healing takes time but it’s worth it and sometimes the life after love is even better because you allow someone to enter your life who is never gonna make you wonder if there is life after love ( i just repeated that sentence 5 times i know) cause that love is gonna stay.
* Alexa play Lizzo – Truth Hurts *
Now for all of you heartbroken women and men, chin up, fix your crown, remember they could have had a bad bitch ( can you call men bitch too?) , remember who the fuck you are and move on. It really isn’t the end of the world. ❤️