Do you believe in life after love?

* Alexa play Cher Believe *

If I’m the expert at anything then it’s moving on and dealing with broken heart. And no i didn’t give this title to myself but since 5th grade EVERYONE thinks that I’m specialized in this area for whatever reason cause I can assure you that in my almost 23 years of life i have smaller amount of dating experience than anyone who comes to me for advice but ok i guess my healing aura attracts all the broken souls so, come to me my children.

No but for real, lately i’ve had some friends dealing with some bullshit, being cheated on, being ghosted, being treated wrong and they all act like it’s the end of the world and before you tell me ” but Tena it is the end of the world ” let me tell you, it’s not. But i needed a lot to get here and to see those experiences as the crucial part of life that we all went or go through. If you know me or somehow gave shit enough to read my entire blog ( congratulations on that by the way) there is the one called ” monster in my bed ” that explains my only relationship and if you read that first and then read this afterwards you’ll understand what i mean.

So let’s first make clear that you don’t need to be in a relationship to get your heart broken, you can get your heart broken by literally anyone you get attached to which try to avoid i mean a good connection with someone is great but never ever ever ever ever in your life let your happiness depend on someone else.

In todays society very popular type of a relationship is not being in one, instead waste eachothers time, grow feelings, fuck occasionally but like never ever consider getting committed cause who has time for that right? Let’s just be confused about eachother for uncertain period of time until one of us plays the ghosting card. The problem with this is that one party is usually head over heels in love and thinks that one day they are gonna be enough for the other party to love them. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, probably not gonna happen. Let’s do the whole protocol shall we? You meet a guy ( i am gonna talk about men cause i have no idea how female fuckboys do it so don’t get all pissed at me i know there are bad women out there too), you talk, he is funny, he invests a lot of time into communication with you, he is sweet, he is a snack and you wonder how did you get so lucky. Then you have your first meeting (they are never gonna call it a date) and he is kind, he is a real gentleman, you want him to meet your grandma right away. You come home you dance to cringy Taylor Swift 2011 Album because you are on the cloud nine. Then sometimes on the same evening or maybe few days later but almost ALWAYS before the second meeting (cause it’s not a date) the sentence comes “i am actually not searching for anything serious”…..okay? Thanks for saying that like maybe right fucking away? So now all the girls on this planet are like schocked, they send screenshots to their friends, they panic, they are hyperventilating, listening to Taylor Swift again but this time the angry country songs ( Alexa play Taylor Swift – Picture to burn ) the whole world comes crashing down. You know what then happens? They mostly agree to it. Why? Nobody on this fucking planet knows, but I do. I’ll tell you why, if you ask them why they don’t want anything serious usually the answer is gonna be “my ex just fucked me up 12 years ago you know i can’t really open up to anyone but i really like you and i wanna know how this goes but right now i’m not ready for a relationship” or personally my favorite ” i have a lot going on right now and everything is so hard and i need to figure out myself and who i am but i really like you and don’t wanna pull you into my mess” 😂 the first time i ever used this smiley in a blog but i am literally laughing out loud. So since we women never have any problems in our lifes and we spend time searching for a husband because everything we aspire to in life is marriage, we deal with this situation with our maternal instinct because we want to fix them and think if we show how understanding and loving and great we are they are gonna fall in love and we’ll birth them 10 children. Stop thinking that way and i can assure you if you are reading this consider again if you want to continue to read cause i’ll be throwing some hard truth out there. So now that you’ve agreed to be his cum dumpster while he figures himself out i’ll tell you how this will go, he is gonna call you occasionally for a good time, he is even maybe gonna open up to you and tell you how horrible his life is so you feel like you should never complain about anything he does cause you’ll make his life even harder. He is gonna throw the jelaousy card and you wont be seeing other people cause you are sure one day he’ll see what he has by his side. I’m sorry to break it to you but he wont. Cause it was never even an option for him. As a matter of fact as soon as he finds a new one he is gonna go away or he is gonna tell you about it and give you an option to deal with it and if you are stupid enough because you’re in love you might play along or you’ll be smart and tell him to fuck off. Anyway in 90% of these kind of relationship it’s gonna end up bad, mostly for you, cause sorry to break it to you but he really doesn’t give a fuck. The best way to deal with this is not to. If you already have feelings for him when the ball drops about him not wanting anything serious, you just go, you don’t try, you don’t fix him, you just go. It’s hard i know you really had high hopes, you thought you met a great guy but you need to have that amount of self respect to just tell yourself ” no i want something serious and i am not settling down for a little bit of love when it’s convenient for them”. It’s gonna leave you feeling like you are worthless and not good enough. It’s not worth it, no matter how great the sex is, it’s not worth your mental health, cause if he wanted to be with you, he would, there would be no excuses, no stupid explanations, if he wanted to he would and i know it’s hard to comprehend that but it’s the sad truth. Cut the bullshit straight at the beginning. If however you already are in this mess and you are unhappy cause after months he is still only around when he needs a relief, collect yourself and go. Without a comment, don’t try to change his mind, don’t explain shit to him, just go, cry, scream, break things but get out of that situation cause it’s unhealthy and it’s only gonna leave you miserable. And you’ll see once you’re over it you’re gonna think “damn that bitch Tena was right”. I’ve been that dumb once, and i’m thankful for that because it teached me what exactly i don’t want and it teached me to respect me and my body and to love myself first. That’s why i’m furious when I see girls going through that because they consciously let someone treat them as a toy. Just be smart, control your emotions, remember what you wanted out of it at the beggining and realize having him for an hour every now and then when he wants to is not what you deserve.

Okay now that i wrote a whole book about fuckboys it’s time to turn to cheaters.

So personally for me there is no forgiveness, i forgive a lot, i have a lot of understanding for a lot of things and i tolerate a lot but cheating is not one of them. And if you are dealing with that right now, i wanna tell you that there is NOTHING wrong with you, this is not your fault and if anyone ever tries to tell you it is spit in their face literally just spit in their face. You are not accountable for someones actions and there is nothing you could have done differently to prevent it. If they want to cheat they are gonna cheat. So if you found out recently or long time ago but are still dealing with the consequences, i just want you to know that it does get better, you will stop blaming yourself, you will be able to feel beautiful again and i really hope when you’re ready you’ll meet someone who is gonna treat you the way you deserve. Being cheated on is also the reason to be real petty. So if they are cheating on you, it’s okay to get a revenge ( break their car, sleep with their brother i mean the options are endless) and let them call you crazy, better crazy than being dumb and let them cheat. Or if you want to deal with it with morals then also just go, in silence, take care of yourself, give yourself time to heal and never ever let them come back. You NEED to have enough respect for yourself to understand that someone gave the same thing they gave to you to someone else, you were pressured to share someone you love because they can’t control their dick or vagina or whatever they have. If they did it once, they will do it again. And I know it’s hard cause it was probably a long relationship or even worse marriage but you deserve so much more than that, you deserve someone who is never gonna think about someone else. You deserve that endless, cheesy love where you never have to question their loyalty. I also understand there are a lot of different situations and sometimes people work through it, or they both do it and they give their all to fix their relationship. I am just telling you my opinion, cause i’ve seen families break apart, i’ve seen crazy stuff happening because of cheating and I personally can’t find a bone in myself that justifies cheating. But i’ve also seen people heal from it, i’ve seen people fight through the trauma of being cheated on and i’ve seen people be in happy relationships after all of it. I guess what i’m trying to tell you that no matter how hard it is, how worthless you feel it does get better, you just need to find that strength whitin you, you have to be your own hero and you have to believe that it’s not your fault, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And that you are not accountable for someone elses actions.

So i could name 204738 other situations that lead to a heartbreak but i guess i will just put it this way. Sometimes the people we are in a relationship with or the people we are involved with in any way turn out to be someone else, sometimes things fall apart, sometimes people grow apart, sometimes it’s just not meant to be, sometimes we fall in love just to learn a lesson. There are so many different situations, reasons, circumstances, traumatic experiences, toxicity, unhealthy involvement or sometimes you are just not as compatible as you thought you were. And i guess it takes a lot to come to the stage where I am right now and i don’t know if it was my traumatic experience and few disappointments afterwards that created the mindset that i have today, which i’m not saying is the best one cause i still have difficulties when it comes to dating ( yaaay me) and i’m still trying to figure out how things exactly work myself. We all always say “love is complicated” but it’s not, we make it complicated by not being honest, with lack of consistency, with uncertainty, with projecting our traumas on other people, by believing everyone is gonna treat us badly like the previous person did.

Everyone is gonna get heartbroken at some point in their life, actually everyone is gonna get heartbroken a few times until they learn how to love and respect themselves and their needs and standards. It’s part of life, we love, we get hurt and we learn how to deal with it. And after some time there is life after love, you heal at some point, you learn how to let go, you learn how to deal with it. You understand that you can’t change people, that you can’t fix someone who doesn’t wanna be fixed, that actions of other people do not depend on you. And you learn how to love yourself enough to understand what you want and need in life and you never settle for less. Even if that means that you have to be alone for a certain amount of time and trust me it’s not as bad and scary as it seems, you get to know yourself, you experience things by yourself which make you grow, you have time to find out what exactly you want. Pain is temporary, healing takes time but it’s worth it and sometimes the life after love is even better because you allow someone to enter your life who is never gonna make you wonder if there is life after love ( i just repeated that sentence 5 times i know) cause that love is gonna stay.

* Alexa play Lizzo – Truth Hurts *

Now for all of you heartbroken women and men, chin up, fix your crown, remember they could have had a bad bitch ( can you call men bitch too?) , remember who the fuck you are and move on. It really isn’t the end of the world. ❤️

Knowing that you don‘t know what you want

Hi, hello.

I promised this long time ago but sorry life was happening.

I’m fine things happened, i got a new job, my bestfriend moved away then she moved back, another one is moving to munich, i met a lot of new people. Cats are doing fine. I got tattoos, like 6 of them in the past 6 months, i already have almost 3 trips planned for next year and approved vacation days so i have something to look forward to. I’m turning 23 in a month yaaay. I was in London, Vienna, some concerts, had a lot of girls nights where i obviously was drunk. I also had a situationship which kinda kept on going throughout the year but is happily over since i dont know a month or two.

What’s new is that after 4 years my family finally noticed that i’ve been single for a long time and suddenly everyone is determined to tell me how much they wish i had someone by my side. My grandma lost it as I posted a picture with a famous rapper because she was convinced it was my potential boyfriend and my eyes were smiling and sparkling differently (i have to say she has never seen me drunk and this is the explanation for the sparkling eyes) so i guess she contacted his label i don’t know. My father also subtly expressed his wish that i had a boyfriend and was concerned about what’s exactly wrong with me and why nobody wants me – he then advised me to take a shower and comb my hair for it may help me. My other grandma told me she doesn’t even see me getting married since all i do is watch disney and play with cats – i still don’t know if that was meant as a complaint or as a praise i mean i could be doing drugs and be a stripper. I also expressed my wish to go to Venice and got an answer ” get yourself a man who is gonna take you ” then of course my defensive independend and highly feministic self said that i can take my own damn self to Venice or to Kilimanjaro if i please, i don’t need a man for that ( how didn’t they see this comming) .

This high level of concern about my love life from both sides of my family got me thinking how did i survive the last 4 years single. I wonder how am i even alive. Yes this is sarcastic. I don’t know if maybe there is some secret cult that starts convincing your family that you’ll die alone if you don’t have a man by your side by 23. So of course naturally i’ve been trying to explain everyone that i am fine, that i am not crying myself to sleep with my cats every day wishing the love of my life threw pebbles at my window. As a matter of fact i have so much going on in my life that i don’t even know if i can manage being in a relationship, i got promoted at my job, started kinda a small bussiness with cakes, planned 3 trips for next year ( which no relationship would stop me from going to anyway ) – and naturally because all of this is going on i don’t know what i want anymore. I was supposed to move back to Croatia in September which obviously didn’t happen cause i accepted a job offer which I don’t regret at all because i got promoted after 3 months. I also have an option to move to London which i’m still considering as well as i’m still considering moving back to Croatia I am also considering about moving to a smaller city near Munich.

Basically i am all over the place, once the world opens up to you and you see all the possibilities – you get lost and you can’t figure out what exactly you want. So now i am sitting on my couch venting on the Internet about how i don’t know in what direction i want my life to go and how my family wants me to get married while there is a 16 year old girl trying to save the world from apocalypse and i bet marriage is the last thing on her mind.

And let me explain it’s not that i don’t want to be in love and have some amazing beautiful man next to me, it’s just that it would be unfair to pull someone into my chaos and i really don’t think i want to get commited in any country now because i can’t even figure out where i wanna live. And i feel like a relationship would play a big factor in that decision and i don’t want that, because i would then ONLY stay or ONLY move because of someone else and my feelings not because I wanted to. I don’t know if that made sense. I have so many possibilities to move forward with my career right now and i like having all the options available cause i don’t have to think about anyone else but myself and losing that or having to compromise or even sacrifice that makes me uncomfortable. You know if i get in a relationship in Munich then i can’t just move to Croatia then if i have someone in Croatia I can’t really take all of the trips because i have the responsibility to spend time with them or i would have to move to Croatia asap if they don’t want to come to Munich or we would break up which then also is a huge waist of time and effort. And that takes away my freedom to decide what i want based on just me. So if anyone asks this is why i’m single.

Literally because I know that I don’t know what I want or where I want it or how I want it or when I want it and i wanna take time with figuring it out. I feel like one day i’ll know what to do but right now I don’t and I need only myself in the process of figuring it out.

I am already excited about your Feedback or if you feel the same! Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Love is Love

I can’t help but write about this topic, because it makes me sick to my stomach.

Let’s start the post this way, i come from a beautiful country of Croatia unfortunately people’s souls are not as beautiful there. It is a pretty ” religious ” and primitive country, the mindset of the people is kinda similar to those in the Stone Age. So the main topic lately has been a gay couple trying to adopt a child that has been abused by her father, so of course the child was taken away and was put into the orphanage or let’s call it ” the system”. So surprisingly the Child Services approved the adoption but the chancellor of the orpahange refused to sign the final approval. Of course the couple went to the media with their story and the comments are disturbing. The hate that’s been spread about gay community is just inhuman.

I have been someone who grew up with a homophobic father and of course you would think that i would turn out to be one too but no, i was fighting against homophobia since very beggining, i remember my dad asking me ” what if one of them wants to do something with your brother would you still accept it” and i remember telling him ” if he wants it then yeah i would accept it ” and my father was furious and back then i didn’t understand why, why would love between two people awaken such anger and hate in other people. And i still don’t understand it. Why is only the love between man and a woman considered normal? Why can’t a person decide whom they want to love without being judged, why is something so beautiful as trying to help a child to get out of the system and grow up in a loving home considered as a sin? Why do people need to be concerned about their safety because they are in love?

I have been told from few people that i know that when they read my comments on articles about homosexuality they don’t understand why am i speaking out and that i should stop, well i won’t stop, i will never stop, i will stop when homophobia is completely out of this world, i will stop when people stop being assholes and when they stop telling someone whom to love or consider or even worse treat homosexuality as a mental illness. I will never stop fighting for human rights, i will never stop speaking about it and i will never be quiet when someone is being treated like trash.

People like them always mention religion when it comes to this topic and i really have no idea what God are they praying to because the God that i know and that i believe in loves everyone, he accepts everyone and would never send someone to ” hell ” because they loved someone. The God that i believe in doesn’t tolerate hate and bullying, God that i believe in chooses love no matter what kind of love that is.

If a child is raised by homosexual parents they are gonna be bullied or turn out as homosexual too? Bullshit. Kids nowdays don’t need a reason to bully someone, they would bully a child if it wears glasses and it’s not right, bullying is a serious issue but you know who should be banned from having children? Anyone who is racist, sexist and homophobic because parents with those characteristics mostly raise bullies because they do not teach their kids acceptance and love only hate and resentment. So if i was to choose whom to give a child it would always be a loving couple instead to people who preach hate.

Every human has the right to love whoever they want, every human deserves to be loved.

The same goes for women rights, children rights, immigrant rights. It’s called human rights, it’s what every single person on this planet deserves and no preaching hate is not your freedom of speech it’s just you being an asshole.

And I alone can’t change the world but that doesn’t mean i’ll be quiet because if everyone thought they should be quiet because as an individual you can’t change anything then nothing is ever gonna change, maybe me speaking about it is gonna give others the courage and like that we can build a chain of activists who can’t be silenced and then we might change something.

” I choose to defent the human rights because i cannot maintain my silence in the face of injustice “

Monster In my bed

I have been lacking the inspiration lately, but i’ve been reflecting and hearing different stories and decided i’ll go fully public about this. Neverthless who’s gonna read it. Because this is why i started this blog, to reach people through my own experiences.

Around 3 and a half years ago i’ve ended a 2 and a half years long relationship. When i met this person i was 17, it was the most random encounter and because of the circumstances under which we have met, it still makes me believe that it was meant to be for me to learn the lessons that i learned through him.

I am not gonna go through the timeline of how it started and to what has our relationship come at the end. What I am gonna talk about is emotional and mental manipulation, sexual abuse, mental abuse, control and how to deal with the aftermath.

Let me start with the fact that our break up wasn’t bad, no, not at all, i have never felt more fierce and in control that i did the day i ended it, what was bad was the whole relationship and no i’m not gonna get sentimentality into this and say we have had good moments, because all of the good moments were just the aftermath of him trying to make up for what he has done.

The relationship started with me finding out he has been dealing cocaine and also taking it, what ended up him threatening me with a knife because i tried to prevent the fight he almost got into with 3 guys who were 5 times bigger than him. I should have left at that very moment, i didn’t. Why? Because my 17 year old self believed i can fix him. What followed next were many breakdowns and tears from his side promising he is gonna change and he needs help, so how do you leave someone who is asking you for help, little did i know it’s gonna be a burden i’ll carry on my whole entire life. For you to understand the evolution of our relationship i’ll write few random points without much detail just so you can create a picture for yourself of what i believed was normal in a relationship.

– if i talked to his friends in his presence he would just leave and call me a whore

– if i didn’t reply for 20 minutes he would accuse me of cheating

– if i told him how certain things hurt me he would say i didn’t love him enough to forgive him

– if i fell asleep too early he would insult me and my family which would lead to him blocking me for at least 2 days

– if i would say no to certain sexual activity he would say that he would find someone who would do the things he wanted to, if that didn’t make me do it then he would break up with me

– if i would say no to something during the sexual activity he would ignore my crying and begging for him to stop

– if i sent him a picture of myself his response would be ” do you think you’re a model? “

– if i was at home bored and did my hair differently he would accuse me of going to a club behind his back

– he chose my friends ( at the end i didn’t have any )

– i came to him crying because i had some family issues he looked me dead in the eyes and told me to stop making the world revolve around me

– he told me in my face that he would sleep with my bestfriend because she is better looking than me

– he would bring me home and wait until my room light was on so he knows i’m inside

– i wasn’t allowed to any birthday parties or any social events with or without his presence

– if i was with a friend outside and some guy asked about a direction or anything simple as that i would have panick attacks and move like 5 meters away because i thought he’d see me and think we’re flirting

This is more than what i have ever told anyone and this was going on for over 2 years why? Because i was naive, yes it is my fault because i was afraid to leave, because he made me think that after him i’ll be alone, that nobody except him would ever love me because i’m worthless and this is what i believed. We are always afraid of the monsters in the dark streets at night, but what when the monster is sleeping right next to you?

What was a breaking point for me? It was a wednesday night and a school night for me, i fell asleep around 10 pm i woke up yet again to being blocked and countless messages from him insulting me. So i went to school, had a complete mental breakdown and God thanks for the girls in that school that day because i had 15 girls around me telling me to stop, to end it, that our relationship has reached an unreachable level of toxicity, that i need to realize that i don’t need him, that i am strong and i can’t even tell you how much strength their empowering gave me. After 2,5 years i was strong enough to end it, to leave. My bestfriend ( hello Nuni) played a huge role in this break up, she was in on it for weeks and at first i didn’t listen to her, so that thursday after he decided i was worth his attention again and not taking me serious when i said no more it’s over, i finally cut him completely off of my social media, blocked his number, completely erased his existance i called her and i remember crying on the phone barely breathing and telling her “this feels more like a relief than pain”. And from that day on she was there, every day, every minute, everytime i felt like i wanted to go back she was there to remind me why not to do so. She and those girls in school saved my life and no they didn’t do it instead of me, i did it myself, i left but i left because they gave me strength, because they believed in me more than i did.

I don’t even need to mention how much he begged for me to come back, it took months and even now recently he tried again.

But did this strength and empowerment delete my trauma and my pain? No.

I got out of that relationship broken into a million pieces, traumatised, vulnerable, weak and insecure. The trance state that i was in because i was finally free, lasted for about 3-4 months and then the PTSD kicked in, suddenly i started experiencing panick attacks, nightmares, depression, anxiety and even though i tried to hide it i was living with it constantly because i finally wrote a list of every traumatising experience i had with him and finally realized that i was a victim of mental, emotional and sexual abuse and i couldn’t wrap my head around it, i DIDN’T wanna be a victim. I didn’t wanna have to say ” i have been through this ” i didn’t want peoples pity. So the first person i talked about this was again my bestfriend and i was so ashamed i remember not even being able to look her in the eyes, because i felt like my dignity, my secrecy and my purity was completely demolished. So everything that i was trying to suppress during those traumatic experiences i started feeling all at once. I didn’t wanna tell my family that i was sexually assaulted from someone i loved and that same person had told me ” if you loved me i wouldn’t have to use the force ” this sentence is stuck in my mind. And i remember it everyday. I didn’t wanna go to the therapy and talk about it, i didn’t wanna do any of that, i didn’t want it to be real. And it took long long long time for me to be even able to accept that this experience is a part of me. That yes a part of my soul was taken in that relationship but the part that’s still left i’ll use in the best way possible. So when i couldn’t deal with it anymore i seeked help in a hotline and talked to a woman on the line for almost an hour told her everything how it happened, when it happened and she said it outloud ” you have been a victim of a sexual abuse ” and she made me say it outloud that’s when i realized it really did happen.

So now i had to recover from all of those wounds, i had to find something that’s gonna help me because i wasn’t ready to talk about it. I pushed every guy away because i just didn’t know how to tell them the truth. But it happened, this year i shared my story with couple more people and they would always tell me ” you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to ” but i wanted to, it has become important to me for people close to me to know my story and to know that if they ever experienced or God forbid experience something like that to know that i am there and that i understand. Because i do understand how it feels to feel so ashamed, so afraid to talk about it to tell anyone because you know they can’t understand. And if it didn’t happen to them they never will be able to understand. And that’s okay don’t blame them. But there are people who do understand and it’s okay to search help, because I after more than 3 years finally feel ready to search for help and i am ready to help others who went through what i did.

What i want all of you who are gonna read this to know is that you need to recognize the signs of any kind of abuse and leave, find a person you can trust ask them for help and leave, if necessary go to police. You need to realize how precious your life is and that you are NOT worthless or alone.

There are so many young girls and boys who get into toxic relationships thinking that’s how it’s supposed to be. But it’s not. Love is not supposed to hurt, ever. Please remember that and at the first signs of abuse you don’t try to save them, you leave and save yourself, that should be a priority, always.

You wanna know how am i dealing with relationships? I’m not. I gave myself time to deal with it and a lot of time to come to this point where i accept who i am and my past, the trauma followed by it is still there but i am working on it and if someone comes around who is ready to work on it with me then i am finally ready to give it a chance.

But this blog post isn’t about me. It is my story but what i want out of it is for people to know that if they need someone to talk about those topics to know that they are not alone. Me telling my story might give someone strength to finally leave that relationship or to finally search for help or just share their story with me if they want to. I felt alone for such a long time, i felt like i didn’t have voice or that no one would listen. But there are people who care and you are never, ever alone.

Put yourself first, please.

the law of love

I’ve got my heart broken so many times i’ve stopped keeping track. I am a person who always tries to see good in people, someone who always wants to believe that there is more good than bad and let me tell you something, only when i learned that you can’t change certain things or can’t affect certain things and how others act is when i realized that just because they have broken your heart it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person.

We live in a generation where we hide our feelings, we all try to be as cold as possible so we don’t get hurt. But is it worth it? Is it worth living a life without love just because we are scared of what might happen?

But first what does this word “love” mean? No it’s not just posting couple pictures on social media, it’s not just having eachother names in Instagram bio.

It’s the feeling of comfort and security. It’s knowing you have someone who makes you feel so happy that no matter what happens you feel at peace because you have that one person.

It’s screaming and fighting, fighting for the love, fighting to solve the problem because throwing away what you have is not an option.

It’s falling asleep in eachothers arms, it’s waking up and starting your day with a kiss. It’s dancing together, it’s making eachother laugh.

It’s motivating eachother to build a life that’s gonna make you happy induvidually but also as a couple. It’s believing in one another to make your dreams come true.

It’s having the mutual support. It’s compromising about certain things, it’s trusting.

It’s building a life together, it’s spending time together but also giving eachother space.

It’s two individual lifes that match together.

It is so hard to find something like that nowdays, don’t ask me why. I guess people are satisfied with one night with different people instead of every night with the same person.

I guess people don’t value the secrecy of love anymore. We hurt other people so we don’t get hurt, we push away others so we wouldn’t be pushed away. We don’t take risks anymore, we don’t fight for something when we want it anymore.

And no you don’t necessarily need another person to feel complete and live a happy life, your happiness depends only on you. But i’ve been single now for 3 years and i have built my life completely alone, i’ve done things alone, i’ve learned how to enjoy my company, i have learned so much about myself but let me tell you something i do miss having someone who’s gonna hold me after a long bad day.

I do miss having a comfort of knowing that there is someone out there who’s gonna care about me and who’s gonna accept me with all my flaws and insecurities.

It’s not about finding a perfect person, it’s about accepting someones soul, it’s realizing that they are gonna have bad days, that it’s not always gonna be rainbows and butterflies, that it’s not always gonna be 50-50 that sometimes it’s gonna be 80-20 but that it’s worth fighting for it.

And yes even i do lately crave love i am not settling for anything less that i deserve and nor should any woman or man do that.

Figure yourself out first, learn about yourself first, be alone for some time and love will find you, it will match you with someone who fits you like a glove.

And then my dear the magic is going to happen.

To the world: I do it solo

 

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Did you know that as a woman the only thing you aspire to should be marriage?

Well apparently that’s the only important thing in our life, you know finish school, find a man, produce children. And i mean there are women who also want it to happen that way and that’s okay, everyone has different goals in life but whats with the rest of us?

I have been single for 3 years now, you know what i did instead of searching for a man? I travelled to France, Bulgaria, Italy, got 2 jobs, found an amazing group of friends, went to parties, concentrated more on the music, experimented with my style, went to a wedding as a maid of honor without a date and survived, got an apartment, moved out, reconnected with my father, got 2 cats and now i got a blog. You know what has been said to me? “But i wish you would find a partner so you could be happy”

Why do people think that i am not happy? Because i am socialy awkward? Because i’m anxious? My anxiety and depression are something i’ve learned to live with and no man or relationship or marriage could change that or have some impact on it.

Most women are not appreciated for their skills but for how many men they have or have not slept with. I never heard someone ask me how many languages do i speak, what inspires me, what direction is my life going, what am i passionate about, where do i wanna travel next, the sad reality is that most questions i get are „ so when do you wanna get married“, „how many kids do you plan on having“ .

All my achievements were made without a man in my life, i never had a special support from a male, all my best memories were made with my girls or my family, all my worst moments were caused by men and no i don‘t hate men i met amazing men and had great times with men but did they bring me something remarkable? No. And i mean they shouldn‘t, it‘s not their job to do so. But it‘s also not my job to worship men and think that my life is empty without someone by my side.

So the conclusion is:

If i meet someone no matter of their gender who i feel would fit in my life and my needs and would wanna share their time and there is a breakthaking connection then i‘m down for it because i am not settling down for less.

However if i don‘t meet someone like that and i stay alone with my cats for the rest of my life then be damn sure that i‘ll have the time of my life.

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Moving on from someone who was never yours

 

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I am dead tired right now but i‘m feeling inspired and i wanna write about this certain topic.

Losing someone you were in a relationship with takes place in a simple order. You break up, you get eachothers stuff, you burn what was left of the memories or things that remind you of one another. You erease all the pictures, videos etc.

But what happens when you have to move on from someone you never had those things with. Whats the chronological order to move on from someone who was never yours? We meet people in our lifes that shake our world but it never actually turns into a „thing“ so how the hell are you supposed to let go?

It‘s complicated, i guess. Seeing someone be happy without you when they actually never were happy WITH you. Do we all crave love so much that we create illusions in our head that something is going on even when it really isn‘t? Do we need to live with a constant „what if“ question in our brain? I have been in this situation countless times and yet i haven‘t learned what exactly is the order to let go of that illusion.

The thing is nothing really ever changed, you didn‘t have all of a sudden a significant other or were in a relationship, you just kept holding onto this idea of you two being together. So why is it so hard to let go of it?

I guess it‘s because we see something in that person that makes us think that we could be happy and it‘s actually us secretly wishing for this love story to happen but it actually never does happen.

I guess the best way to move on from someone who was never yours is to realize that they are not someone you‘re supposed to be with otherwise that would have happened, to convince yourself to stop wishful thinking.

Choose to be happy.

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